If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
