At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
