It's Friday. Sex?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
