I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
