He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
