I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
