so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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