I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
