she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am available for nakedness
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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