It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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