I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
