Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
