Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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