i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
