She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
