I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
