jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
