were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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