if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
