There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
