I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
