Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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