Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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