Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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