I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
