just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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