This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
