Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
