capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
