mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She even gives head with a lisp.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My breasts were aching with rage.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
