i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
