It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
