also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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