Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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