I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love having hate sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
