I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
