I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
