He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
