I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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