It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
