what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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