At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
