man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
