I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
