you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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