worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
God, I missed his penis.
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