Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had to cum in my sink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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