We're facebook friends in real life
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
