you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
