i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can text with my tongue
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
