Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
