I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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