He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
