Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
