i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
