direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
