just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
