he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
