what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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