How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
