MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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