Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
