I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
