My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Boobs are out for the taking
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
